‘BUZZZ’ goes the alarm and its time to wake up for the morning duty. Totally disregarding the final warning for ‘Coming sharp at 8.30am’ issued yesterday by your JR you press the snooze button for those precious extra 10 minutes. Much to your displeasure the stupid alarm does ring once again after 10 mins and its time to move your ass off the bed. Reluctantly you get up, finish all the essential morning activities, bathe as fast as possible (or skip it!!) and get ready to face the daunting task known as INTERNSHIP.
First challenge you face is getting into the choc a bloc train itself. After leaving alone one or two trains you finally gather enough courage to board one. Same old daily routine journey leads you to the hospital. Once again you are in the wards exactly on (your own) schedule (which lags bout 1 hr from the others!) JR gives you the ‘Late again’ look and hands you the list of things to do. Let’s see ‘Hmmmm trace urine and stool reports, blood culture, blood collection, take a patient for C.T scan, a voice inside you constantly saying ‘WTF??!!’ With a heavy heart you initiate work and give preference to blood collections. Invariably one of your stupid punctual co intern had already done the patient’s collection and fired the vein but forgotten one test leading you to repeat the collection. You scan the already erythematous brachials which are now worse than that of a intravenous drug addict. The patient gives you the ‘Oh no, not again!’ look and mutters “Roj roj rakt kadhun aangat rakt rahile nahi! (Daily blood collection has resulted in no blood left in my body) And as if to strengthen his/her fictitious claims today you just wont get the needle in right “Sangitle hote na, rakt sample aahe”(I told you already, there is no blood in the body) he/she retorts. By now you have lost all sympathy towards the patient and you say to yourself ‘I will show you where the blood is’. In goes the needle (in any plane possible) and you blindly search the tissues for a hint of red while the patient screams in pain. ‘Blood sucking vampires’ that’s the title he/she’s given you now(what’s more he/she will narrate the incident to all the nearby patients the whole day going full out to defame you as far as possible). With great efforts you collect bout 3ml blood someway or the other and now you hold the syringe up as if you have won a battle (and also to let the patient see that you did collect blood). Same old rhetoric continues with the other blood collections. Just when you thought alls done and are about to have a seat, JR butts in, Go trace the reports. Stool, urine and blood that’s what’s left in my life, you say to yourself. While tracing the reports you are enlightened to the fact that the patient was constipated from three days (what do you expect to get from I.V fluids and R.T feed??) and didn’t have enough stools to send for the test (the container is still besides his bed, Empty!) and as if to say that you are were the cause of the patients flatulent misery JR will say I don’t know anything, I want the stool report. (Yeah? give me your sample then, you bastard) Finally after finding a few pus cells and bacteria in urine reports of some patients and helminthes in stools you are done with the tracing. Now comes the time to accompany a patient to C.T scan. Trouble is there are 3 patients with the same name. After confirming with the bastardly JR you approach the patient and tell the relatives that its time to do the C.T scan. Having done ‘n’ number of investigations & procedures by now, the relative knows the nooks and corners of your hospital (some of which even you didn’t know!) The relative himself leads you to the C.T room via a shortcut and explains you the procedure. And of course you encounter the over smart mamas and ward boys in between. Finally killing time you roam here and there till the C.T is done and its lunch time already. Interestingly your stupid co intern has already been allowed by the JR to go for lunch. He will still give you some petty work until you are finally allowed for lunch.
Post lunch there is absolutely no work to do but again your co intern went and asked ‘permission’ to leave and was rewarded with a warning to stay on duty till 5pm.You curse the co int with all the foul language you perfected in these many years. All your pleads and tricks to leave early are shunned and considered invalid by the asshole JR.You wait there looking into the pale faces of the patients(who grin back at you).With a full tummy now you are soon sleepy and you dream of ripping apart both the JR and the intern. As if to add fuel to the fire, the JR wakes you up to give you some petty work. You give him a good angry stare. Oblivious to it, he continues chatting with your co int who has by now buttered him so much that he has already put on weight. Wondering why always me?? you start the petty work. Fatigue soon catches up again and you drop down the table. When you wake up its almost 5.Suprise, surprise that bastard has already let your co int go home. You pick up your bag and walk zombiesque to the station and board the train already filled with 100 other zombies. You reach home fully stressed and mom serves you dinner. Time to sleep
ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…………………………..REM sleep
Next day:- ‘BUZZZ’ goes the alarm and its time to wake up for morning duty……
-Dr.Shreeraj Talwadekar
First challenge you face is getting into the choc a bloc train itself. After leaving alone one or two trains you finally gather enough courage to board one. Same old daily routine journey leads you to the hospital. Once again you are in the wards exactly on (your own) schedule (which lags bout 1 hr from the others!) JR gives you the ‘Late again’ look and hands you the list of things to do. Let’s see ‘Hmmmm trace urine and stool reports, blood culture, blood collection, take a patient for C.T scan, a voice inside you constantly saying ‘WTF??!!’ With a heavy heart you initiate work and give preference to blood collections. Invariably one of your stupid punctual co intern had already done the patient’s collection and fired the vein but forgotten one test leading you to repeat the collection. You scan the already erythematous brachials which are now worse than that of a intravenous drug addict. The patient gives you the ‘Oh no, not again!’ look and mutters “Roj roj rakt kadhun aangat rakt rahile nahi! (Daily blood collection has resulted in no blood left in my body) And as if to strengthen his/her fictitious claims today you just wont get the needle in right “Sangitle hote na, rakt sample aahe”(I told you already, there is no blood in the body) he/she retorts. By now you have lost all sympathy towards the patient and you say to yourself ‘I will show you where the blood is’. In goes the needle (in any plane possible) and you blindly search the tissues for a hint of red while the patient screams in pain. ‘Blood sucking vampires’ that’s the title he/she’s given you now(what’s more he/she will narrate the incident to all the nearby patients the whole day going full out to defame you as far as possible). With great efforts you collect bout 3ml blood someway or the other and now you hold the syringe up as if you have won a battle (and also to let the patient see that you did collect blood). Same old rhetoric continues with the other blood collections. Just when you thought alls done and are about to have a seat, JR butts in, Go trace the reports. Stool, urine and blood that’s what’s left in my life, you say to yourself. While tracing the reports you are enlightened to the fact that the patient was constipated from three days (what do you expect to get from I.V fluids and R.T feed??) and didn’t have enough stools to send for the test (the container is still besides his bed, Empty!) and as if to say that you are were the cause of the patients flatulent misery JR will say I don’t know anything, I want the stool report. (Yeah? give me your sample then, you bastard) Finally after finding a few pus cells and bacteria in urine reports of some patients and helminthes in stools you are done with the tracing. Now comes the time to accompany a patient to C.T scan. Trouble is there are 3 patients with the same name. After confirming with the bastardly JR you approach the patient and tell the relatives that its time to do the C.T scan. Having done ‘n’ number of investigations & procedures by now, the relative knows the nooks and corners of your hospital (some of which even you didn’t know!) The relative himself leads you to the C.T room via a shortcut and explains you the procedure. And of course you encounter the over smart mamas and ward boys in between. Finally killing time you roam here and there till the C.T is done and its lunch time already. Interestingly your stupid co intern has already been allowed by the JR to go for lunch. He will still give you some petty work until you are finally allowed for lunch.
Post lunch there is absolutely no work to do but again your co intern went and asked ‘permission’ to leave and was rewarded with a warning to stay on duty till 5pm.You curse the co int with all the foul language you perfected in these many years. All your pleads and tricks to leave early are shunned and considered invalid by the asshole JR.You wait there looking into the pale faces of the patients(who grin back at you).With a full tummy now you are soon sleepy and you dream of ripping apart both the JR and the intern. As if to add fuel to the fire, the JR wakes you up to give you some petty work. You give him a good angry stare. Oblivious to it, he continues chatting with your co int who has by now buttered him so much that he has already put on weight. Wondering why always me?? you start the petty work. Fatigue soon catches up again and you drop down the table. When you wake up its almost 5.Suprise, surprise that bastard has already let your co int go home. You pick up your bag and walk zombiesque to the station and board the train already filled with 100 other zombies. You reach home fully stressed and mom serves you dinner. Time to sleep
ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…………………………..REM sleep
Next day:- ‘BUZZZ’ goes the alarm and its time to wake up for morning duty……
-Dr.Shreeraj Talwadekar
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